Thursday, July 10, 2014

nurture and flow

nurture and flow

1. live with loving kindness. to live in the moment takes practice. to then apply compassion to self and to others takes dedication! when i have been able to apply loving kindness to my experiences, i have felt some peace and contentment, even in unpleasant circumstances. one should apply loving kindness to yourself, too. realizing i am flawed and need to grow and having compassion for myself aids in nurturing the growth of self and allows me to be more compassionate towards others.
2. get to know yourself. acknowledge how you feel without imposing an opinion about it. there is no should. letting go of expectations of the mind and observing them can teach you about yourself. noting your behavior can give you inflection and direct you to understanding why you feel the way you do and perhaps, if the feeling is unpleasant, relieve yourself of the burden of the unpleasantness of the experience.
3. let go.  after an experience, if you can't find a good place in your consciousness for it, let it go. let go of your pains. let go of your worries. let go of your anger. let go of your trauma. breathe in freshness and breathe out the baggage you carry. cry. talk. sleep. write. paint. play. build. rebuild. let the negativity out of you.
4. balance. little picture big picture. fun and work. sleep and wake. there is clearly a middle way. balance your mind body and spirit. dichotomy exists.
5. learn. nourish your mind with information. find subjects that interest you and dive in! or, test the waters with your toes, but find subjects that stimulate your mind and seek understanding about them.
6. read. make sure that part of information integration is from written words. your mind absorbs information in many different ways, but please don't skip reading because it is a task. reading will help your eyes and mind be sharp and keen.
7. add layers to your lenses. when you're seeking worldly facts, try to put yourself in the midst of the context and carry the value with you. you can use these values when evaluating circumstances. the more dynamic the lenses, the more dynamic the understanding.
8. make friends. human interaction is valuable in innumerable ways. on a chemical level, your reward system is equipped with hug-chemical-happiness. as many anthropologists and historians have concluded, humans desire community and acceptance.
9. trim the fat. you can't be friends with everyone you will ever meet. toxic or unhealthy relationships can be draining. there is a point that you have to cut out people who are unhealthy for you. relationships including family! i know many people who are in toxic relationships with their families and would be better off estranged. don't stay because you have to. evaluate circumstances and do what is best for the self.
10. centeredness is the flow. every point in this list and the subsequent points are to help the self become centered. mindfulness in key to centeredness and the flow.




11. enjoy your body. you have love handles. stretch marks. that scar on your face. your thighs should touch unless your thighs happen to not touch. your skin gets rough. put lotion on it. look at yourself naked in the mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful, because i promise you are. enjoy the pleasurable parts of your body. they are meant to be enjoyed. explore them and figure out how to feel more pleasure. you're wired to have enjoyable physical experiences, take advantage of that.
12. have innumerable orgasms. an orgasm is an autonomic nervous response. it releases oxytocin and endorphins (rewards) in your brain. we have evolved to have orgasms. do it. have sex. masturbate. if you're stressed. in pain. unhappy. feeling uncentered. have an orgasm.
13. enjoy the company of people you love. even when you're in the midst of an argument with a loved one, cherish them. try to remember you wouldn't be happy without them.
14. life goes on within you and without you. oh george. you were so wise.
15. enjoy the past. it has brought you to where you are now. life can be trying and unawesome things happen. but it lead you to you in the present. don't regret or pine of the past. enjoy it like your own personal movie, accessible whenever you desire.


16. be an exemplary friend. give unabashedly to those you love. find ways to help them and love them and be there for them. give love. be love. remember that they don't eat any seafood or that they're allergic to cauliflower. engage with them about things they are into. call them every once in a while to remind them that you care. even if it's literally only to tell them that you care about them.
17. be an exemplary human. volunteer. bring more love into the world. foster something. give your time. pick up trash. all things you're capable of and will bring goodness to you via the world being a better place.


18. give back. whether it be to someone who gives to you or the earth. find ways to show gratitude for your life by giving back.
19. find the joys in doing things you don't want to do. watch your favorite mindless television while folding laundry. listen to the most epic upbeat playlist ever while you're doing cardio. bond with your family while you run errands. enjoy the coziness of huddling around a fire when it rains and you're camping. find the tolerable parts of uncomfortable situations. if you're forced to interact with an acquaintance you don't enjoy or getting your teeth pulled, find something you can hold on to that isn't uncomfortable and feel that in the forefront of your mind.
20. have reasonable expectations.
21. listen. people often want you to know things. listen without thinking about your retort. you will likely have time to remember what you wanted to contribute to the interaction. be mindful in listening and you'll hear more than you'd ever imagined.
22. smile. force a smile. find something that makes you happy. bring it to the front of consciousness and smile. keep your smile going and you will feel more happiness.
23. seek to be in tune with the self. you can smell a bear in the woods. you can hear the fluttering of insects around you. you can feel when you need to give yourself a break. tune into yourself.
24. eat beets. or kale. probably both. eat all sorts of nutritious foods. eat them more than you eat processed foods. your body will thank you for your entire life.
25. work out. get yourself worked into a shvitz. your body and mind will be more centered. working out is my prozac and my spinach. well, that and spinach.
26. get out of civilization and into the woods. i have never spent time in the woods and felt disconnected from my roots. getting away from civilization and letting nature teach you. nurture you. teach you lessons. feel the energy of being a part of the whole. remember conservationism. disconnect from technologies and the internet.
27. find things that make you happy and do them. paint. run. play music. garden. write. contemplate. do exercise. nap. spend time with those most important to you.


28.  accept everyone. you don't need to like everyone, or every quality of everyone, but accept them for the entirety of selves. this includes yourself. accept yourself, your short comings and strong points. accepting yourself doesn't mean you shouldn't strive to be better, but is an acknowledgement of...
29. accept(ing) reality. the existence of the rainbow is dependent on the conical photoreceptors in your eyes; to animals with out cones, the rainbow does not exist. acknowledge reality. live in it. commit to change in the future if you'd like. always seek the whole picture. the micro picture. the macro picture. accept your existence for what it is, then work towards what you'd like it to be. i encourage you to seek rainbows and be in awe of how cool it is to have evolved to be able to create them.
30. accept change. learn to acknowledge the discomforts of change. learn to be at peace with impermanence. it is the only constant in our lives.



Thursday, May 8, 2014

bulletproof… i wish i was

please enjoy my latest cover. i learned this song for my bestie's 30th! i heart radiohead!

Sunday, February 16, 2014

actually, free will?

in a storm of thoughts, a rather juvenile question came to mind, one that i have never considered before: can free will exist? if you believe that consciousness is all a matter of neurological processes, how is free will a relevant way to express the human experience? free will is not the opposite of fate, because that would imply fate exists. since free will carries implication of it's negation: unfree will, something pre-determined, i suggest we find a new term to explain the neurological function of decision making capabilities in humans.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

freedom, order and free will


freedom exists because there exists, within the constructs of societies, order. order may require, minimally, some conformity for the free willed as the free willed often make disorderly decisions.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

coping and the creative workspace


as i scramble to use every tool in my figurative emotional tool belt, i come across a familiar friend: my workspace. time to create something that will order the chaos. 

i have been reading and highlighting herman hesse's siddhartha. i hope to revisit buddhist texts after i finish with siddhartha. i have the strong desire to immerse myself in my kin and my friends who offer strength when i need to lend mine. i took out my very best headphones and have been riding the wave of auditory pleasantry when i can find it. i will meditate and exercise in preparation for the journey ahead. 

a mentor recently told me that siddhartha the inuits have a similar approach to achieving a goal. the inuit hunter is taught to clear his mind of mental obstacles, fear, doubt and worry and allow his prey to come to him. "like a stone sinking to the bottom of a deep pool… his thoughts commanded his desire to come to him," hesse wrote of siddhartha. 

we are all looking to escape the self and the suffering. some of us drink. and some of us use other drugs. those lend temporary escape from suffering. some of us follow teachers and philosophies that approach to truth but stop shy of the change, but provide more understanding than substance-induced escape. the truth, to hesse's siddhartha, was  an experience and not learned. 




Monday, December 9, 2013

black sabi, wham-ba-lam

my dog friend, sabi
when i got back from vacation a week ago, my four legged, poop eating, loyal, handsome, mountain goat like dog had broke his back. i took him to a vet and they gave me pain meds and a little glimmer of hope that he makes progress to a maintainable place for him to continue living. the first few days he made progress. he wheel barreled around the yard while we held on to his hips. he would let us know when he needed to eat, drink, pee, and when he needed attention. unfortunately, about day six post injury he took a sharp decline in quality of life. he squealed and howled in pain with nearly every movement. fuck.

so, i had to make the decision to end his life. it was the hardest decision i have ever made. 

here i am, clicking out some feelings and memories i have to try to ease my mind. i need to flood my head with happy memories to try to drown out the very fresh memories of his pain and suffering. he was my first baby. i am ill and heartbroken.



handsome boy
loving my dog

my college apartment was 107*

sabi with us on a 'walk for life'


sabi was an amazing hiker. when we would camp together, I would "walk" him by hopping on a motorized vehicle and having him run after me.

he never needed to be on a leash because he was such a faithful companion.

he had always been a smart dude. he would trick his dog siblings into going outside so he could bogart all the food.

he knew how to use angled mirrors to his favor.

he liked to watch television.

he could howl like a siren.

he once ate an entire basket of my sister's panties. haha.

sabi didn't like most dudes. especially ones i had any physical contact with. i took it as an important info when he liked or even didn't mind a dude.

he loved to lick skin.

he would find any crack or crevasse to hide in.

he liked to perch on the backs of couches.

sabi was an epic climbing dog. i took him in every cave, crack, boulder, mountain… on every camping trip… he was such an amazing companion.

he talked constantly. it was great and not so great.

sabi had no problem getting along with other dogs. as long as they didn't try to cross the threshold of my bedroom.

we neutered him when he was 10.

i will never forget the sound of him licking his nuts. constantly. nom nom nom.

…or the sound of him settling: a groan, a chops lick, the sound of the closet doors buckling against his weight.

the way he nosed his food; most times right out of his bowl!

the build up of snow on his paws when we hiked through snow.

sabi's undying love for all things me, so much so that he had to ingest my pants and panties!

the look of love in his eyes as i pet him.

this is a work in progress and i hope i will keep adding memories of him.